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‘Engagement/Wedding’ Category

  1. Lovely Surprises

    April 13, 2011 by Gail

    GEF_1498

    Tonight I got to meet the lovely bride-to-be who bought my wedding dress. How special is that?

    I donated the dress to The Brides’ Project on October 1, 2008. It would’ve been my third wedding anniversary, if cancer were a curable disease and hadn’t taken my husband away.

    I donated the dress thinking it was a long shot someone would buy it. I have simple yet particular tastes, and I know that lifestyle and genetics conspire against fashion — at least, in this body. My wedding dress was altered down a couple of sizes to fit me, and it’s very low-key for a wedding dress. It wasn’t most people’s cup of tea.

    I’ve been volunteering for The Brides’ Project ever since I donated the dress, two and a half years ago. My plan was to volunteer for the very geeky things, like work on the website, but for the first year I volunteered most of the time in the shop. Sometimes brides would try on the dress and I’d wonder if that was the person who would end up buying it. I never admitted to being the original dress owner, I thought it would make things awkward for the bride-to-be. And so it was passed over each time with me not saying a word about it, because I wanted to hear opinions about the dress without undue influence. I wasn’t going to take anything personally. After all, once I’d donated the dress, it was no longer mine. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to like the next buyer, and hope she would read our story online and cherish her wedding even more afterwards.

    Back in February, my dress sold and the new buyer and I were put in touch with each other. It turns out she’s getting married on my BIRTHDAY. How special is that??

    But that also means I can’t shoot her wedding because I will be making my annual birthday pilgrimage to a new country. (I’ve got two countries in mind, but not both for this trip. Once I book it, I’ll spill the beans.)

    Then I suggested we meet, anyway. Fast forward to this evening…

    … she bought me flowers! What a pleasant surprise! And, UNsurprisingly, we had a lot to discuss. It’s a good feeling knowing that the dress found its way to such a lovely person who feels much the same way I do about many things, but she had the wherewithal to find our story online (without any direction from me) and take it to heart. It’s all I could have ever hoped for.

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    Posted in Acts of Kindness, Engagement/Wedding | 1 Comment

  2. Love Is Powerful

    October 1, 2009 by Gail

    Love can make us do some pretty crazy things.

    Eat things we wouldn’t otherwise.
    Face our fears head-on.
    Convince a nomad to settle down and have babies.
    Get a Canadian to move to the U.S. during the Bush Administration.
    Persuade a die-hard urban-dweller to live in a small town.
    Put up with a really ugly kitchen.
    Admit that pink isn’t so bad.
    Shovel snow? Sub-zero winter?

    The friends were amazed. Now that’s love…

    October 1, 2005 was our wedding, exactly one year after we met in person. Cancer ruined our day, but with David’s resolve we got married before he was taken to the Emergency Room. Now that’s love…

    What do I think of love now? That’s a good question. I’m unable to answer completely. Honestly, I think it would be greedy to expect more than what I’ve experienced of it in this lifetime, especially as I feel I continue to benefit from it today, several years later. Love has empowered me. But if it comes around again, I won’t turn away.

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, Videoclips | No Comments

  3. October 1 Anniversary

    October 1, 2008 by Gail

    October 1, 2005

    Today I pulled my wedding dress out of its storage container, hung it up, and took a few photos of it before I sent it on its way.

    There’s a lot of emphasis on the wedding dress as a symbol of marriage, because for the groom a tuxedo can be worn for other occasions. A wedding dress simply can’t be mistaken for anything else, especially if it has a train. Anyone can spot a wedding a mile away once that dress comes into view.

    bodice detail

    When I was at The Brides’ Project over the weekend, they told me as with all private donations I could write a letter to accompany the dress, which would only be opened once the new owner claimed it. Every dress has a story, and mine is no exception. But mine is such a big story that I don’t know if I could tell it in a letter format. After all, I’ve been writing in this website for years and I don’t think I’ve finished telling our story.

    I was thinking I could write an open letter here and just put the URL in the letter with the dress. Maybe other brides-to-be will see it, and think about what it means to walk down that aisle. I don’t believe you have to get married to make the commitment to love and care for someone the rest of your lives, but if you choose to get married the highest level of commitment will be expected of you, and only you will know if you can live up to it.

    Three years down the road, I can honestly say I would probably pick the same dress if I could do it all over again. The shop owner told me flat out that it was all wrong for me, but I didn’t listen to her and tried it on, anyway. Once I saw myself in it I knew this would be my wedding dress, and once she saw I was right about the dress she stopped trying to talk me out of it. There are some things in life I am certain of, and choosing that dress was one of them.

    the back

    The other was marrying David Fielding, in spite of everything that happened since. My only regret is not meeting him sooner, because then we would’ve had more time together. Maybe we would’ve even had a child together by now.

    It’s taken three years, but I’m finally ready to let the dress go, to make someone else happy on her wedding day, and benefit a child or adult dealing with cancer. It’s taken me a while to find a sense of purpose again, and now the dress can begin its own new journey, too.

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, Loss, Volunteering/Charity, Widowhood | 8 Comments

  4. The Brides’ Project | Brides Helping Children with Cancer

    September 28, 2008 by Gail

    The Brides' Project | Brides Helping Children with Cancer

    I spent Saturday afternoon at a house on Broadview Avenue here in Toronto, documenting the search for a wedding dress for a photography client and getting a firsthand look at how The Brides’ Project works.

    It all started with an email from Haida last week, inviting me to accompany her on a bridal-themed weekend which included trying on wedding gowns and attending a bridal show. She sent along a link to The Brides’ Project and I was intrigued by the concept as this is something I’d never heard of before but wished was around when I was shopping for a wedding dress in ’04/’05, even before cancer had touched my own life in such a personal way.

    (more…)

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, Haunted by Cancer, Volunteering/Charity, Widowhood | 4 Comments

  5. Two Years Ago We Sent Out This Postcard

    January 17, 2007 by Gail

    two years ago we sent out this postcard

    It was a “heads up” wedding announcement to our friends and family. David and I designed it together, while I was in Vancouver packing up my apartment and he was in Pennsylvania, waiting for me to come home to him.

    Except for the picture of the Tri-Pacer (I think one of David’s cadets took that one), we took the photos ourselves. As one of the radiation clinic nurses said, “You guys were a team.”

    View larger.

    2007 has been much kinder to me than 2006, but even with all the good stuff happening to me recently, not a day goes by when I didn’t wish with every fibre of my being that I could share it with David. He was always such a great source of encouragement for me, and not having him here makes good news a little less exciting… or incomplete, somehow.

    Next week I begin my 10-week program with an adult grief support group. There was no space left for the fall session, at least in the evening, so I’ve had to wait a few months. I haven’t been to counselling for a couple of months or more, but I’m looking forward to trying a small group setting. There are only 8-10 people in each group and each session lasts for two hours, so everyone should have a chance to speak. One issue I had with individual counselling is the 50-minute time limit. That time frame just didn’t seem to work for me — I felt rushed and anxious and under pressure. At least in a group setting, I don’t feel obligated to do most of the talking. As well, the counsellor/patient dynamic is very different from a peer environment, and the latter is what I need right now.

    Tomorrow is my last day as an agency temp, and today when I was given my contract paperwork to fill out, there were some spouse forms included in the package. It’s been years since I received benefits, so those pages took me by surprise.

    “Oh, I guess you won’t be needing those,” the administrator said, and removed them from the package.

    Welcome to widowhood, I thought.

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, House of Fielding, Widowhood | 4 Comments

  6. Today Would Have Been Our One-Year Wedding Anniversary

    October 1, 2006 by Gail

    April 29, 2005
    House of Fielding
    Scranton, Pennsylvania

    David carving our initials into the magnolia tree beside our house.

    October 1, 2006
    I made this videoclip to mark what would’ve been our first anniversary. A smaller, slightly different version can be found here on Blip.TV.

    Music: “Fly Me to the Moon” – Frank Sinatra
    Track #13 on David’s memorial CD. (My goal is to make videoclips using all 14 tracks. This is the fifth one so far.)

    I did go to Rhinebeck today, and Wednesday, Sep 20. Hugh’s ashes were scattered from the museum biplane yesterday (Saturday). More on this after I return to Toronto.

    Hugh’s YouTube video playlist:

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, House of Fielding, Hugh, Videoclips | 6 Comments

  7. The Rings

    June 21, 2006 by Gail

    fundraising bracelet for the Lung Cancer Alliance

    Until Holly pointed it out, I hadn’t realised that I hadn’t yet followed through with my plan to take a photo of all three rings together. Before I went to Europe in March, I was thinking of taking photos of the three rings where David visited in 2001: London and Soerendonk (NL). The travel pace was pretty frenetic, so it didn’t happen. But I’m sure I can find more artful ways to display the rings than putting them in the foreground of tourist shots, so in the meantime, here is what they look like.

    The top ring is my wedding ring, the middle one is the engagement ring, and the bottom ring is David’s. He had long, bony fingers — “spidery” is what he called them — so we were a similar ring size.

    (more…)

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, Living with Cancer | 2 Comments

  8. The Wedding Dress

    March 13, 2006 by Gail

    By request from Francesca (I think Rachael and Laura put in requests, too, at some point), I’m posting some pictures of my wedding dress, which is now packed away.

    wedding dress - front

    wedding dress - train

    The full set of dress photos is here. I had the veil made because I didn’t like anything in the shops, and it ended up being much cheaper, more comfortable, and exactly what I wanted.

    My advice to anyone in the market for a wedding dress: don’t bend under the pressure from others, whether it’s a salesperson or well-meaning relative. If you aren’t excited about it, don’t buy it. Consider having it made. Stick to your guns, and you won’t regret it.

    Related posts:

    I Bought My Wedding Dress (July 13, 2005)
    I Bought My Wedding Shoes (July 15, 2005)
    Melissa’s Dress (July 17, 2005)

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding | 2 Comments

  9. Wedding Day

    March 11, 2006 by Gail

    wedding day

    I believe this is the first photo from our wedding — with people in it — that I’ve ever posted here. Melissa was fascinated with my outfit — the lighting obscures her hand, but she’s peering at it through the opaqueness of the veil. Her grandmother took one of the gift ribbons and put it in her hair. I thought she looked very cute.

    David and I didn’t have any pictures together on the day because he went directly to the hospital after the vows. We’d been meaning to get dressed up at a later date when he was well enough to sit for formal pictures, but whenever David was feeling at all well, we went flying instead. Those opportunities were scarce, and as much as we enjoyed photos, our shared passion was for flying.

    I was going through my hard drive earlier for other reasons and came across this photo, with Vinny in the background. I doctored it a bit in Photoshop but the photo credit goes to Sue, whose husband officiated our wedding.

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    Posted in Engagement/Wedding, The Ms | 2 Comments

  10. The E-Mail

    January 13, 2006 by Gail

    At the memorial, when I spoke about how David and I met, I mentioned that David wrote an e-mail to my boss at the time, asking if he would allow thanking him for allowing me to work out of Pennsylvania. [Edit: I realised by this e-mail it was approved; this was essentially the follow-up note.]

    From: David Fielding
    Date: October 18, 2004 8:55:08 AM EDT
    To: [my boss]
    Subject: Hello, and thank you

    Dear Sir,

    I am writing to inform you that I have fallen in love with one of your employees…

    And to thank you, on her behalf and mine, for letting her work remotely from Pennsylvania for a while. Gail speaks very highly of you; and I can tell that she is very devoted to her job, and to you. I look forward to meeting you myself to thank you in person.

    This means a lot to us. Gail and I feel very strongly about one another, and our main hardship to overcome is distance. This arrangement will allow us to do that, and let our relationship grow. I will, of course, do everything I can to equip a home office so that Gail can work effectively from here. And no less than that, I will look after all her needs, and take good care of her.

    Let me know if you have any questions, or if there is anything else I can do for you.

    Warm regards,

    David Fielding

    No-one could have predicted how precious little time David and I had; we were also separated by 4,000kms. I’m grateful to our employers for being understanding of our situation — both made concessions to allow us to be together. I’ll never forget that.

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    Posted in David's Writing, Engagement/Wedding, Fave | 5 Comments

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