Archive for the Category ◊ Engagement/Wedding ◊

01 Oct 2009 Love Is Powerful
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, Videoclips  | Leave a Comment

Love can make us do some pretty crazy things.

Eat things we wouldn’t otherwise.
Face our fears head-on.
Convince a nomad to settle down and have babies.
Get a Canadian to move to the U.S. during the Bush Administration.
Persuade a die-hard urban-dweller to live in a small town.
Put up with a really ugly kitchen.
Admit that pink isn’t so bad.
Shovel snow? Sub-zero winter?

The friends were amazed. Now that’s love…

October 1, 2005 was our wedding, exactly one year after we met in person. Cancer ruined our day, but with David’s resolve we got married before he was taken to the Emergency Room. Now that’s love…

What do I think of love now? That’s a good question. I’m unable to answer completely. Honestly, I think it would be greedy to expect more than what I’ve experienced of it in this lifetime, especially as I feel I continue to benefit from it today, several years later. Love has empowered me. But if it comes around again, I won’t turn away.

01 Oct 2008 October 1 Anniversary
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, Loss, Volunteering/Charity, Widowhood  | 7 Comments

October 1, 2005

Today I pulled my wedding dress out of its storage container, hung it up, and took a few photos of it before I sent it on its way.

There’s a lot of emphasis on the wedding dress as a symbol of marriage, because for the groom a tuxedo can be worn for other occasions. A wedding dress simply can’t be mistaken for anything else, especially if it has a train. Anyone can spot a wedding a mile away once that dress comes into view.

bodice detail

When I was at The Brides’ Project over the weekend, they told me as with all private donations I could write a letter to accompany the dress, which would only be opened once the new owner claimed it. Every dress has a story, and mine is no exception. But mine is such a big story that I don’t know if I could tell it in a letter format. After all, I’ve been writing in this website for years and I don’t think I’ve finished telling our story.

I was thinking I could write an open letter here and just put the URL in the letter with the dress. Maybe other brides-to-be will see it, and think about what it means to walk down that aisle. I don’t believe you have to get married to make the commitment to love and care for someone the rest of your lives, but if you choose to get married the highest level of commitment will be expected of you, and only you will know if you can live up to it.

Three years down the road, I can honestly say I would probably pick the same dress if I could do it all over again. The shop owner told me flat out that it was all wrong for me, but I didn’t listen to her and tried it on, anyway. Once I saw myself in it I knew this would be my wedding dress, and once she saw I was right about the dress she stopped trying to talk me out of it. There are some things in life I am certain of, and choosing that dress was one of them.

the back

The other was marrying David Fielding, in spite of everything that happened since. My only regret is not meeting him sooner, because then we would’ve had more time together. Maybe we would’ve even had a child together by now.

It’s taken three years, but I’m finally ready to let the dress go, to make someone else happy on her wedding day, and benefit a child or adult dealing with cancer. It’s taken me a while to find a sense of purpose again, and now the dress can begin its own new journey, too.

28 Sep 2008 The Brides’ Project | Brides Helping Children with Cancer
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, Haunted by Cancer, Volunteering/Charity, Widowhood  | 4 Comments

The Brides' Project | Brides Helping Children with Cancer

I spent Saturday afternoon at a house on Broadview Avenue here in Toronto, documenting the search for a wedding dress for a photography client and getting a firsthand look at how The Brides’ Project works.

It all started with an email from Haida last week, inviting me to accompany her on a bridal-themed weekend which included trying on wedding gowns and attending a bridal show. She sent along a link to The Brides’ Project and I was intrigued by the concept as this is something I’d never heard of before but wished was around when I was shopping for a wedding dress in ‘04/’05, even before cancer had touched my own life in such a personal way.

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17 Jan 2007 Two Years Ago We Sent Out This Postcard
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, House of Fielding, Widowhood  | 4 Comments

two years ago we sent out this postcard

It was a “heads up” wedding announcement to our friends and family. David and I designed it together, while I was in Vancouver packing up my apartment and he was in Pennsylvania, waiting for me to come home to him.

Except for the picture of the Tri-Pacer (I think one of David’s cadets took that one), we took the photos ourselves. As one of the radiation clinic nurses said, “You guys were a team.”

View larger.

2007 has been much kinder to me than 2006, but even with all the good stuff happening to me recently, not a day goes by when I didn’t wish with every fibre of my being that I could share it with David. He was always such a great source of encouragement for me, and not having him here makes good news a little less exciting… or incomplete, somehow.

Next week I begin my 10-week program with an adult grief support group. There was no space left for the fall session, at least in the evening, so I’ve had to wait a few months. I haven’t been to counselling for a couple of months or more, but I’m looking forward to trying a small group setting. There are only 8-10 people in each group and each session lasts for two hours, so everyone should have a chance to speak. One issue I had with individual counselling is the 50-minute time limit. That time frame just didn’t seem to work for me — I felt rushed and anxious and under pressure. At least in a group setting, I don’t feel obligated to do most of the talking. As well, the counsellor/patient dynamic is very different from a peer environment, and the latter is what I need right now.

Tomorrow is my last day as an agency temp, and today when I was given my contract paperwork to fill out, there were some spouse forms included in the package. It’s been years since I received benefits, so those pages took me by surprise.

“Oh, I guess you won’t be needing those,” the administrator said, and removed them from the package.

Welcome to widowhood, I thought.

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01 Oct 2006 Today Would Have Been Our One-Year Wedding Anniversary
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, House of Fielding, Hugh, Videoclips  | 6 Comments

April 29, 2005
House of Fielding
Scranton, Pennsylvania

David carving our initials into the magnolia tree beside our house.

October 1, 2006
I made this videoclip to mark what would’ve been our first anniversary. A smaller, slightly different version can be found here on Blip.TV.

Music: “Fly Me to the Moon” – Frank Sinatra
Track #13 on David’s memorial CD. (My goal is to make videoclips using all 14 tracks. This is the fifth one so far.)

I did go to Rhinebeck today, and Wednesday, Sep 20. Hugh’s ashes were scattered from the museum biplane yesterday (Saturday). More on this after I return to Toronto.

Hugh’s YouTube video playlist:

21 Jun 2006 The Rings
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, Living with Cancer  | 2 Comments

fundraising bracelet for the Lung Cancer Alliance

Until Holly pointed it out, I hadn’t realised that I hadn’t yet followed through with my plan to take a photo of all three rings together. Before I went to Europe in March, I was thinking of taking photos of the three rings where David visited in 2001: London and Soerendonk (NL). The travel pace was pretty frenetic, so it didn’t happen. But I’m sure I can find more artful ways to display the rings than putting them in the foreground of tourist shots, so in the meantime, here is what they look like.

The top ring is my wedding ring, the middle one is the engagement ring, and the bottom ring is David’s. He had long, bony fingers — “spidery” is what he called them — so we were a similar ring size.

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13 Mar 2006 The Wedding Dress
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding  | 2 Comments

By request from Francesca (I think Rachael and Laura put in requests, too, at some point), I’m posting some pictures of my wedding dress, which is now packed away.

wedding dress - front

wedding dress - train

The full set of dress photos is here. I had the veil made because I didn’t like anything in the shops, and it ended up being much cheaper, more comfortable, and exactly what I wanted.

My advice to anyone in the market for a wedding dress: don’t bend under the pressure from others, whether it’s a salesperson or well-meaning relative. If you aren’t excited about it, don’t buy it. Consider having it made. Stick to your guns, and you won’t regret it.

Related posts:

I Bought My Wedding Dress (July 13, 2005)
I Bought My Wedding Shoes (July 15, 2005)
Melissa’s Dress (July 17, 2005)

11 Mar 2006 Wedding Day
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, The Ms  | 2 Comments

wedding day

I believe this is the first photo from our wedding — with people in it — that I’ve ever posted here. Melissa was fascinated with my outfit — the lighting obscures her hand, but she’s peering at it through the opaqueness of the veil. Her grandmother took one of the gift ribbons and put it in her hair. I thought she looked very cute.

David and I didn’t have any pictures together on the day because he went directly to the hospital after the vows. We’d been meaning to get dressed up at a later date when he was well enough to sit for formal pictures, but whenever David was feeling at all well, we went flying instead. Those opportunities were scarce, and as much as we enjoyed photos, our shared passion was for flying.

I was going through my hard drive earlier for other reasons and came across this photo, with Vinny in the background. I doctored it a bit in Photoshop but the photo credit goes to Sue, whose husband officiated our wedding.

13 Jan 2006 The E-Mail
Author: Gail |  Category: David's Writing, Engagement/Wedding, Fave  | 5 Comments

At the memorial, when I spoke about how David and I met, I mentioned that David wrote an e-mail to my boss at the time, asking if he would allow thanking him for allowing me to work out of Pennsylvania. [Edit: I realised by this e-mail it was approved; this was essentially the follow-up note.]

From: David Fielding
Date: October 18, 2004 8:55:08 AM EDT
To: [my boss]
Subject: Hello, and thank you

Dear Sir,

I am writing to inform you that I have fallen in love with one of your employees…

And to thank you, on her behalf and mine, for letting her work remotely from Pennsylvania for a while. Gail speaks very highly of you; and I can tell that she is very devoted to her job, and to you. I look forward to meeting you myself to thank you in person.

This means a lot to us. Gail and I feel very strongly about one another, and our main hardship to overcome is distance. This arrangement will allow us to do that, and let our relationship grow. I will, of course, do everything I can to equip a home office so that Gail can work effectively from here. And no less than that, I will look after all her needs, and take good care of her.

Let me know if you have any questions, or if there is anything else I can do for you.

Warm regards,

David Fielding

No-one could have predicted how precious little time David and I had; we were also separated by 4,000kms. I’m grateful to our employers for being understanding of our situation — both made concessions to allow us to be together. I’ll never forget that.

15 Oct 2005 The Wedding Cake Saga
Author: Gail |  Category: Engagement/Wedding, Photography  | Leave a Comment

our wedding cake

The cake was ivory and the calla lilies were orange (see Hendrik? I don’t hate orange!), but I shot this with film and with the room lighting couldn’t get the colours to come out properly… hence the sepia.

David never did see the cake (the ceremony was in the Lackawanna Room, the dinner in the Johnson Room), and I didn’t know what to do with it afterwards. The Radisson ended up holding onto it for almost a week, because the cake shop where I bought it didn’t have space. I kept stalling with the hotel because I couldn’t find a home for it — we have a side-by-side fridge/freezer, so it wouldn’t fit. It took a while to find someone with a freezer with the proper dimensions, and that was purely coincidental — our neighbour’s mother decided to get rid of her freezer and had it delivered to her son. My friend Berit had extended her visit from Hamburg to spend time with us after the wedding, and I’m glad she was here to help me transfer it from the Radisson to the neighbour’s house. What a malarkey!

We’ll break out the cake again when the time’s right.

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