On the eve of my fifth anniversary in Toronto I took my camera out to Nathan Phillips Square after work to photograph City Hall and think about where five years has taken me.
It’s no secret that I landed in Toronto because of circumstances out of my control, but as for the reasons why I’ve stayed here — those I’ve kept mostly to myself.
Trying to build a future after considerable loss doesn’t happen overnight. I arrived on March 3, 2006 feeling very distressed, angry, and alone. It wasn’t a good start here. I was widowed, jobless, and homeless at 33. In my scouting trip to Toronto in February 2006, I took the first apartment I looked at because I needed an address to get repatriated, to receive OHIP (health care), a driver’s license, import my car, automobile insurance, put an address on my CV, and satisfy the agents at the U.S. border when I returned to Pennsylvania that I was actually moving to Toronto so they wouldn’t deport me before the 87 days had passed.
From the time that I arrived here, Toronto’s been testing my mettle. It’s been five tumultuous, rollercoaster years. I had to make decisions I didn’t want to make. I had to redefine my goals. I had to redefine myself. This took a lot of time, but moreover it has taken a great deal of effort, perseverance, and patience. I’m a lot greyer now. But I’m still here, despite many impulses to move back west (especially during the winter!).
Sometimes it’s easy to dwell on the hardships, but I’ve been celebrating the successes and learning from the failures, too. I maintain this website in part to record everything as a reminder of everything I’ve managed to accomplish by myself.
My areas of focus in the past five years have been: Work. Travel. Volunteer. Learn.
WORK
It was a miracle I made it through Year One, but I secured a good job four months later with the government that people thought I was crazy to leave in February 2008, the end of Year Two. I knew there were better things in store for me, work-wise, but it wasn’t until Year Four that I decided to take the plunge and do something completely different and rather scary: part-time employment and part-time freelance, in two completely different industries.
Year Five has been a whole new world of work, which introduced me to a whole new world of illness. (Hello pneumonia!) My immune system has taken a beating from the stress of a new part-time job on Bay Street and shooting 12 weddings, eight engagement and portrait shoots, plus other gigs over the past year. Not since a decade ago when I was a full-time employee taking university classes at night for 36 months in a row have I worked this much and been this sleep-deprived. This is the downside of starting over: the climb to altitude and cruising speed. Trying to reach a level where it’s manageable. I have no illusions about the amount of work it takes to build a reputation in a city where I’m a relative newcomer and don’t have the usual school, family, and work connections that other photographers do.
TRAVEL
In the past five years I’ve visited six new countries: Cuba, Iceland, Morocco, Norway, Slovakia, and Barbados. Which for me isn’t a lot, except see the previous section about Work.
Since 2006 I also visited eight countries I’d been to before: Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, France, England, Italy, Austria, and of course the USA. In 2007 I finally made it to Halifax, my furthest city east in Canada. I also flew west to Vancouver (quite a lot in 2008, 2+ months all in) and Chicago, and south to Atlanta, Orlando, San Francisco, and Oakland. (I also took a flight to Boston and one to New York, but I prefer to drive those distances versus the hassle of hub-and-spoke flying.)
In the past five years, I drove 68,000+ miles / 108,800+ kilometers. Most of that alone. That’s an average of 13.6 thousand miles or 21.76 thousand kilometers per year, and that’s all for recreation, not work. The road trips included Quebec City (x2), Montreal (x3), Ottawa (x4), Massachusetts (x2), Maine, Philadelphia (x5?), New York City (x??), all over upstate New York and Long Island, rural Pennsylvania, southwestern Ontario, and places off the beaten track. In five years the car’s broken down in upstate New York, west of Toronto twice, and I blew the tires in Pennsylvania, but KNOCK ON WOOD I’ve had no accidents and I’ve always been able to get help pretty quickly through my auto club membership roadside assistance.
In Year Five I flew less and road-tripped more: Quebec City (April), Vancouver and PA/NY (May), Barbados (June), cottage trip to the Muskokas (July), Boston and Ottawa (August), Portland (Maine) and Fire Island (NY) in September, Montreal and Ottawa (October), New York City (November), Pennsylvania and Vancouver and Syracuse (NY) in December, and Oakland at the end of January.
Sadly, the one major area that has been sacrificed by my current priorities has been aviation, which sat on the backburner in Year Five, not for lack of interest but lack of time. Again, see Work section.
VOLUNTEER
Since 2008, I’ve volunteered for The Brides’ Project, a local non-profit that supports cancer charities by selling donated wedding dresses to the public. I donated my own wedding dress on October 1, 2008, which would’ve been my third anniversary. Last month, my dress was sold to a lovely woman who, in a striking coincidence, will be getting married on my birthday this year.
In Year Five, I began volunteering directly for the Canadian Cancer Society by driving cancer patients to treatments and doctors appointments. Every year I’ve participated in and raised money for either the Terry Fox Foundation or the Canadian Cancer Society’s Relay For Life.
LEARN
Crikey, where do I start with this one… who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? If the dog wants to learn, there will be new tricks! I’ve taught myself how to use software, various cameras, and new equipment. I’ve had to speak on camera, in groups, and sell myself to clients. I’ve had to negotiate, draft, and improvise. I’ve been to many nerve-wracking job interviews, dealt with difficult people, and work in environments with Type-A personalities. I calm people down on their wedding day. I’ve shot a wedding around TV crews, filming a reality show.
With every new experience, I build up my skill set and confidence.
Since 2006 I’ve taken part in two cancer-related research studies, two grief research studies, and one study examining women and self-image. All were very interesting, but the self-image study has been a revelation. Between the interviews, focus group, and reading the transcripts and summary, I could see what a difference my interests made in my outlook on life and how the passion for these activities motivated me to better myself. It’s one thing to be aware of it in my head, but to see it in print really drove it home.
I was mulling over the past five years in Toronto as I took photos of people skating at Nathan Phillips Square. I watched skaters of all ages, skill levels, confidence levels, shapes and sizes go by. Some whizzed past. Some hung on to other people. Some went backwards, in circles, spins. Some inched across the ice. There was falling and getting back up again. It takes practice to stay on your feet. That’s the thing: it doesn’t matter how slow you go or if you lack finesse or rent your skates, you can still get across to the other side on your own power. Don’t give up!





























