A couple of trips to Home Depot later, I have one working hot tap (formerly a hyper-leaker), and vise grips on the cold because I can’t access the place to turn off the water in the house. Ah well, will try again tomorrow. At least Jeff was able to get the hot water tap to stop leaking, that’s a good start!
I can’t get excited about home repairs, I really can’t. Hats off to those of you who do.