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December, 2005

  1. Home

    December 31, 2005 by Gail

    If there could be one truism about my life, it is that there is never a dull moment. I arrived home around 6 o’clock via an unexpected cab ride, following an unexpected bus ride. I got caught in a snowstorm this afternoon.

    See, earlier in the day I decided to take my cousin Tosca to Stroudsburg/Delaware Water Gap, which is the last stop before New York, where she would take the shuttle to JFK to fly home to Vancouver. I took Allan to the bus terminal here in Scranton this morning because he wanted to be in New York by 1 o’clock to catch a bus from there to Boston to continue north to Maine for the weekend. He returns to Vancouver on Tuesday via Newark.

    The weather reports said there was a 60% chance of snow, and I knew I didn’t want to go as far as Manhattan because I’d spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square before, and it’s asking for trouble to try and drive in. Not to mention the weather wreaking havoc on the roads. But I thought a drive to Stroudsburg would be alright, since it wasn’t that far — less than an hour — and conditions here were fine.

    When we set out in the car to Stroudsburg (43 miles to the east) the roads were dry, but within 20 minutes or so it began to snow, starting with light flakes but gradually becoming thicker and blowing briskly. Eventually we had to slow to a relative crawl because it was turning into a whitewash. I’m very glad I bought snow tires last week, because we would’ve gone off the road otherwise. We passed accidents and cars in ditches — notably, a truck UPSIDE-DOWN in the highway median. Tosca was getting nervous, and I was gripping the wheel tightly, making sure I had plenty of room in front and behind me, and staying as far away from the shoulder as safely possible. (more…)


  2. Dear David: Your Memorial

    December 31, 2005 by Gail

    Dear David,

    The year is winding to a close and I’m finally getting a quiet moment after an extremely busy and heartwrenching week. The House of Fielding is tranquil — Hugh’s curled up at my feet, and the others are asleep. Tosca and Allan are leaving today, so Hugh and I can send out 2005 quietly.

    Your memorial on Wednesday was so very moving, but I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I think about it often, because there was so much going on. I’ll be thinking — and writing — about it for some time to come.

    When I stood up in front to speak and looked around the room, I could see in every person’s face how much you meant to them. If you could bottle up the good thoughts that have come your way over the span of years and release them in one room, that’s what it felt like. Lots and lots and lots of love for you. (more…)


  3. Memorial Preparations

    December 27, 2005 by Gail

    My cousin Tosca arrived late in the night from Vancouver, and the three of us stayed up ’til all hours working on preparations for the memorial. There’s a lot of material to assemble, people to coordinate, decisions to make. I think of David constantly, for I’m surrounded by artifacts of his life. The objective is to celebrate — consequently, grief is suppressed/postponed — but I have moments of agony now and again that threaten to surface.

    I managed to finish the memorial program. It’s being printed at Llewellyn & McKane, where David worked for eight years. I know this is hard on everyone, especially his colleagues who saw David five days a week. When you see a person that often, they become part of your family.

    David and I worked on our wedding program together, as we did with everything else. And as with any partnership, not having mine here to consult with — especially when the event centres around him — leaves me with an empty feeling. But, I’m not doing this half-heartedly, because David deserves nothing less than the best tribute I can give him.


  4. I Made It Through Christmas

    December 26, 2005 by Gail

    It’s Boxing Day — not here in the U.S., but many of you know what I’m talking about. Which means I made it through Christmas, now I just have to get through David’s memorial, New Year, and the rest of my life.

    There is much uncertainty right now, the greatest concern being U.S. Immigration and how the Patriot Act is affecting me while I’m caught in the legal mire of a semi-processed spouse visa application. I have an immigration attorney and an estate lawyer assisting me, but there is little anyone can do over the holidays. I have less time to grieve than you’d think, but when I do, it’s in private.

    Meanwhile, I’ve been struck speechless at the range of behaviour I’ve witnessed from people — ranging from disturbingly crass and even offensive to incredibly kind and empathetic. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve voiced in my head, “David, can you believe it?!?” I can practically see the shocked expression on his face.

    Someone sent me a couple of links on bereavement, both of which I found quite helpful. One is called “The Merry Widow” and I found some parts of some sections quite true to my experiences thus far. (more…)


  5. To Be By Your Side

    December 26, 2005 by Gail

    The weekend that David and I met, October 1-4, 2004, he had a surprise for me. I’d mentioned sometime before then that I’d never flown in a helicopter, and it was something I’d been wanting to do. So when we flew in the Tri-Pacer from Cherry Ridge to Mount Pocono Municipal Airport, I had no idea that it was for the purpose of fulfilling this very wish. We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful autumn day in northeastern Pennsylvania, a beginning to our life together, flying together above the treetops.

    “To Be By Your Side” – performed by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
    (soundtrack for the film “Winged Migration”)

    (more…)


  6. Dear David: Christmas Day

    December 25, 2005 by Gail

    Dear David,

    I’m writing because I strongly felt both your presence and absence today. I talked myself into accepting an invitation to a houseful of people, mostly people I didn’t know but I felt I could trust would be alright with me. It wasn’t easy, but I managed the best I could. There were some moments when I wanted to disappear, but I hung on and went into observation mode.

    You would’ve loved it there — two families with three kids each, one of them is a cadet of yours. Lots of hustle and bustle, with an old dog padding through now and again. I know how much you love animals and kids, and you would’ve gotten along famously with this bunch. I kept alternating between seeing you at the table, and waiting for you to show up. (more…)


  7. Christmas Eve

    December 24, 2005 by Gail

    I went to Mercy Hospice earlier this evening. I had some invitations to other homes for Christmas Eve, but I didn’t feel like going. The only place I wanted to go today was the hospice, and I wanted to take along some of the food that’s shown up here from some kind folk. I kept the homemade food, but had to do something about all the fruit that would rot otherwise.

    Last night was my first night alone in this house, without David. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it, but when I took Laura to the airport in the early evening and arrived home to a welcoming Hugh, I thought I’d be alright. I wanted some time alone. But then the power went out about 7:45pm, and the entire neighbourhood went black. Suddenly I felt very, very alone. My PowerBook LCD was the only light, because it switched to battery. The flashlights and candles were downstairs, so I held the computer in front of me to light the way.

    I felt very strange. It was strange enough to be alone in the house because David wasn’t here, but it was much stranger in the dark. We’ve had power blips before, but never an outage since I’ve lived here. It was beyond disconcerting, because all the bright Christmas lights outside were down, too. It was heavy pitch blackness. And silent.

    The neighbours across the street were out. My other neighbours were also out. (more…)


  8. Mercy Hospice – Friday, December 16

    December 24, 2005 by Gail

    Mercy Hospice

    I brought our cat, Hugh, to be with David when he was transferred from the 8th Floor of Mercy Hospital to the hospice on the 3rd Floor. David and Hugh were inseparable for almost 15 years, and I wanted them to be together as they’d always been.


  9. A Special Flight – March 5, 2005

    December 23, 2005 by Gail

    I can’t begin to describe what this week has been like, so I won’t. Instead, a videoclip of a flight from March when David and I were leaving Reading Airport, about 45 minutes away. He wrote about it here, in a post called “Man’s Quest for Wings”. What made the trip special was witnessing the incredible sight of thousands upon thousands of migratory Canadian geese overhead and, later, underwing. (If you look closely at the end of the videoclip, you’ll see flocks of birds over the river.)

    One of the tasks I have for this weekend is to put together presentations for the memorial, and when I searched for music I gravitated towards the Billy Joel song “And So It Goes”. It’s a deeply personal song — the lyrics resonated with David and he sent it to me shortly after we met. Putting together this videoclip brought tears to my eyes, and I still haven’t decided whether to use the song at the memorial, but I’ll put it here.

    “And So It Goes” – Billy Joel

    In every heart there is a room
    A sanctuary safe and strong
    To heal the wounds from lovers past
    Until a new one comes along

    I spoke to you in cautious tones
    You answered me with no pretense
    And still I feel I said too much
    My silence is my self defense

    And every time I’ve held a rose
    It seems I only felt the thorns
    And so it goes, and so it goes
    And so will you soon I suppose

    But if my silence made you leave
    Then that would be my worst mistake
    So I will share this room with you
    And you can have this heart to break

    And this is why my eyes are closed
    It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
    And so it goes, and so it goes
    And you’re the only one who knows

    So I would choose to be with you
    That’s if the choice were mine to make
    But you can make decisions too
    And you can have this heart to break

    And so it goes, and so it goes
    And you’re the only one who knows.


  10. The Hardest Words I’ve Ever Had to Write

    December 22, 2005 by Gail

    As published today in The Times-Tribune:

    12/22/2005
    David Lee Fielding – December 18, 2005

    David Lee Fielding, 38, of Scranton died Sunday at Mercy Hospice after a courageous battle with cancer. His wife is the former Gail Edwin, formerly of Vancouver, Canada.

    Born May 30, 1967, in Allentown, son of Mona Fielding, Clarks Summit, he graduated from high school in Clarks Summit and then from Penn State in 1989 with a degree in graphic arts. He was a designer and art director for local ad agencies, and for eight years, was IT manager at Llewellyn and McKane, a commercial printer in Wilkes-Barre.

    David’s passion for aviation began at a young age. He designed, built and flew remote controlled aircraft in the early 1990s, then subsequently obtained his pilot’s license. Since then, he logged more than 750 hours of flight time, attained instrument rating and was working toward an instructor rating. In 2003, he purchased a restored 1954 Piper Tri-Pacer and spent many weekends of enjoyment exploring regional skies.

    He was very active as a volunteer in the Civil Air Patrol, an auxiliary of the Air Force. He participated in search-and-rescue operations, cadet training and aerospace education. He was squadron commander of the Mount Pocono Composite Squadron 207, and recently received promotion to the rank of lieutenant colonel.

    He was a loving son, nephew, husband, and friend of many. He made an indelible impression on everyone who met him and will be greatly missed.

    Also surviving are an aunt and uncle, Pearl and Joseph Ecker, Scranton.

    A memorial service will be held Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Tripp House, 1011 N. Main Ave. Friends are encouraged to bring photos and share stories. In lieu of flowers, expressions of sympathy may take the form of a donation to David’s main charity, Civil Air Patrol Squadron 207, c/o Robert Misiak, 103 Walnut Lane, Greentown. Arrangements by the Ziman Funeral Home.

    The family extends a special thank you to Mercy Hospital, Hematology and Oncology Associates, and Northeast Radiation and Oncology Clinic for their support and efforts during the past four months.