I was one of those eight women today… but thankfully not the one who had to wear this! It was Tosca’s stagette, and I’m so glad we went rafting instead of the usual drunken debauchery (we could do that anytime). We even had a dude of a rafting guide to keep us cackling like a hen party, riding the waves shrieking and scaring all the wildlife away.
The day started at the rather ungodly hour of 10:00am (it is Sunday morning, the day I try to find all the sleep I lost during the week…and isn’t Sunday a day of rest??), when I had to be at Jana’s house to meet the others. The plan was to pick up Tosca and carry on to the golf course to pretend that we were taking her golfing. Jana thought the jig was up, since Tosca had mentioned to her one time that she really wanted to go rafting, and Jana’s face went beet red. She was convinced Tosca had figured it out, but it was hard to say for certain — Tosca might’ve just been suspicious. So they’d arranged for Mike to gather some of Tosca’s clothes, but not to get her bathing suit until the last moment.
When we arrived at Tosca’s house, she was really wary. She checked out what everyone was wearing, and wondered why we were looking sporty when we were just going golfing?? By the time we arrived at the golf course, I sensed she was a little disappointed, until we opened the back of my car, and Jitka took out a towel. Here’s a little video of Tosca’s reaction:
(you will need Quicktime to view video)
She still had no idea she was going to wear THE BIKINI… that was for later…!
Meanwhile, Mike’s stag was on Saturday, and he had to wear a pink tutu, a pink sash that said “Taming the Un-Rulli” (Rulli is Tosca’s surname), a pink tiara, and a pair of burgundy granny-style underwear… while riding his bike! Yes, Andre and the others took him on the mountain bike trails and took loads of video. Unfortunately, I have none for your viewing pleasure, nor any photos, so you will just have to use your imagination. A funny scene in itself was big Andre in the fabric store, asking for material for a pink tutu!!
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Elaho Adventures we go…
We drove to the meeting place to wait for the others before heading off the 99/Sea-to-Sky Highway to the Elaho site. On the way we actually spotted what was probably a bobcat, judging by its size. I had never seen one before, so I was pretty captivated… I think we were all totally distracted. Jitka, Tania, Tosca and I were also too busy talking to notice the two signs for Elaho go by…
We reached the end of the road, and encountered a firegate that was locked, but we couldn’t find the car with the rest of our group, so we turned back, wondering where the hell a white Mercedes could possibly hide on a road that was practically deserted??? Tania knew the guy driving the van for the other rafting company, so we stopped them and asked where Elaho was. It turns out we passed it, so we booted back to the spot he indicated, and there was Jana, flagging us down! She told us to catch up to Tina, who was zooming back towards Squamish, looking for us! What a farce! An ’83 Volvo station wagon trying to chase a late-model Mercedes! We were just hoping she was stop sometime soon and turn around, but we were practically at the 99 before we saw her turn around to head back. Then, of course, we had to race back to the Elaho site, since everyone was waiting for us.
We were given a lesson about the gear we had to wear before suiting up and climbing into the bus that took us upriver. Some in our group hadn’t been rafting before, and were a bit nervous about the whole thing. They should’ve called it the Squeamish River. A good 15 minutes of safety instructions followed once we got to the bridge that marked the start of the rafting run, which made people even more nervous:
- what to do if you fall out
- what to do if somebody else falls out
- the defensive swimming position
- the offensive swimming position (*the only offensive part I can muster in my swimming technique is showing how bad it is*)
- what to do if the raft tips over
- what to do if the raft tips over and you are trapped underneath
- etc. etc. etc. (there are LOTS of et ceteras!)
(Tosca was just given her bikini to put over top of her wetsuit, which made her totally embarrassed, but the laundry list of safety remarks erased it from her mind momentarily). Then, once we got INTO our raft, we received another set of instructions on how to follow instructions from our illustrious leader, Mike. We had paddling instructions, instructions on leaning, moving from one side of the raft to the other, and by this time we’d forgotten everything except “paddle forward.” Which was pretty obvious within a few minutes, once we hit a patch of churning water…
When Mike called out “over right!” we all just looked at each other! So much for paddling! Another instruction we just couldn’t get straight was the one for the right side to paddle backwards and the left side to paddle forwards… and vice versa. Poor Mike.
Lucky Tosca and Jana were put in the front of the raft, which was the wettest place to sit, so they bore the brunt of all the big waves… and some of them were PRETTY BIG! There were some places the raft went so high, the paddles couldn’t get anywhere near the water!
We stopped for snacks at one point, and when the waters were calm, we just enjoyed nature and let the views sink in. Between the glacier, mountains, and forest, and the river carrying us along, we were in our own little paradise. Except for all our cackling, it was pristine. Mike told us stories and cracked a lot of bad jokes, which backfired on him when he told us this punchline: “Is it moosecock?” (don’t ask) After that, we christined him MC for “moosecock” and it was MC for the rest of the day.
At the BBQ after the rafting trip, Mike seemed to forgive us, since he graced the end of our dining table. What a dude.
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